We're all on the journey.
September 02, 2022
Building Valence: How to Transform your Toxic Reactions to Relieve Stress with Sherianna Boyle

Our emotions. They frequently serve as one of the more mystifying aspects of our humanness, yet just what role do they play in our day-to-day existence? As each of us addresses the onslaught of day-to-day challenges which see...

Our emotions.

They frequently serve as one of the more mystifying aspects of our humanness, yet just what role do they play in our day-to-day existence? As each of us addresses the onslaught of day-to-day challenges which seem to regularly appear - at times, no relationship than the one we hold with our emotions seems harder to navigate throughout our lives.

As we’ve traveled the course of our program, we have often returned to this very subject and theme. Today we revisit the best of the best in our ever-evolving series of episodes and storylines. In this quick shot reminder with Emotional Detox Coach, Sherianna Boyle from season 1.

Emotional reactivity flips us into different modes of attention. Often one in which our world contracts into a fixation on what upsets us - leaving us caught up in a struggle of emotions. We offer you this reminder - release the struggle.

Join us as we show you how to surrender these cycles of reactivity - on The Light Inside.


Featured Guests:

Sherianna Boyle


JOIN US ON INSTAGRAM: @thelightinsidepodcast

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Credits: Music Score by Epidemic Sound

Executive Producer: Jeffrey Besecker

Mixing, Engineering, Production, and Mastering: Aloft Media Studio

Production Manager: Anna Getz

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Sherrianne Boyle New show

[00:00:00] Jeffrey Besecker: Sherianna I'd like to start today focusing specifically on those toxic emotional cycles and why the process of an emotional detox can be so effective in dealing with emotional reactivity.

[00:00:13] Sherrianne Boyle:

[00:00:13] Sure. So the way emotional detox works First of all, is that all emotions are good so long as their process. that's what this whole principle is built upon. So there's no good emotion, bad emotion, better or worse. They're all good. So long is they're processed. So the way that we reduce reactions is to process your emotions.

[00:00:39] You're not actually getting rid of your emotions. I think sometimes people think of it that way. You're actually releasing the way you react to your emotions and you're letting the emotions just be as they are. So once you make that shift Jeffrey of, okay, I'm not actually removing my emotions. They're not toxic.

[00:01:03] If I label them, I might believe that they are. If I say this one's good, bad, or I have too much of this one and too little of this one, which a lot of people do that too. I want more of this emotion. I want less of this emotion when you do that, you're reacting. So the idea of an emotional detox is you're releasing.

[00:01:25] Reactions are what's toxic so that you can actually be with your emotions and give them permission to do what they do best. And they bring you a lot of energy and consciousness. And once they do that, you're gonna feel better and you're gonna see things differently.

[00:01:46] Jeffrey Besecker: From that perspective, our emotions themselves are often viewed as toxic or often called toxic this perhaps presenting a somewhat incorrect assumption. Is it not?

[00:01:58] Sherrianne Boyle: No emotion. Is toxic. So I'm just gonna be clear that none of them are toxic. Yes. Let

[00:02:06] Jeffrey Besecker: me reframe that. There's a patterning

[00:02:08] Sherrianne Boyle: to that.

[00:02:08] There's a pattern and we all have to be reminded Jeffrey. Even I have to kind of remind myself because we, we are so trained. It's so ingrained in us. It's been that way really, since the beginning of, mankind, we've just been, we look at it emotions a certain way. And so it's gonna take time for us to adjust to this new way.

[00:02:30] And, what you're saying is how do we not identify with them? How do we not become it? How does it not sort of take over and, you know, a lot of people will say, for example, my anxiety. My anxiety, my anger, my stress is like, well, that's, you're identifying with that. What do you mean my anxiety?

[00:02:50] That's exactly what I'm going to be cleansing in. The emotional detox is my behavior, my habit of addressing things that way. And once I recognized that and I clear that, you know, I was just, working with someone before I got on the call and it, you know, I'll call it. It's like a pain management thing, you know, it's like, we're all doing our own form of pain management and that is, we're all managing our emotions and the, the challenges is, So it doesn't go away. you're just, you're just anxiety. That's who you are. um, , uh, you're not you, you're not anxiety, you know, you're, you're far more than that and it really minimizes us and devalues us and holds us down. Kind of oppress ourselves and suppress ourselves when we allow ourselves to, to continue those conversations.

[00:03:53] So what do you do while you, again, the point of an emotional detox is first, you have to figure out, and I think this is really what you're asking. What exactly am I cleansing? And that is the. Thing is okay if I'm saying my anxiety or if I'm identifying with my emotions rather than feeling them, because identifying is not feeling it's thinking about 'em, it's believing them, it's creating a narrative or story.

[00:04:25] Eventually you get exhausted from that. Eventually you get to a place where you're like, I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm not happy. This isn't fulfilling me. I'm not satisfied with my life. I'm tired. And I need to focus on myself a little bit. I mean, that's really the point you get to because pain management.

[00:04:49] You do it, not just in your own life, but you can start managing other people's pain. Yeah. Right. And their emotions. So what are you cleansing? A lot of stuff, Jeffrey, it, it, it's all of it. All of it. And you observe and you say, okay, this is really interesting. I just caught myself managing what I feel and what the emotional detox has.

[00:05:15] The book and emotional detox for anxiety is it has a system called cleanse. And I say, just go to the cleanse and move through those steps and allow yourself permission to clear those reactions so that you can begin to create something.

[00:05:32] Jeffrey Besecker: I like looking at that angle when you mentioned thinking our emotions versus feeling.

[00:05:40] Yeah. Well, to me, I, can see where sometimes, to frame it in that way. I can see where sometimes any one of us can step off of that path and say, what is feeling my emotion, what is thinking my emotion and especially what is called overthinking or ruminating our emotions.

[00:05:58] Sherrianne Boyle:

[00:05:58] No. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it, the thing is Jeffrey is emotional detox.

[00:06:05] The core book was my, was my sixth, seventh book. And after that I wrote emotional detox for anxiety and. I, when I started to work on emotional detox, I had looked at the research. I had studied emotions. I presented it to my publisher, which was Simon and Schuster. And they said, this looks great, but you still need to do more work.

[00:06:31] So I went back and I did more work and I spent another two months on it, went back and they said, okay, now you've got something. And then shortly after that, once I was ready to rock and start writing this, I was hit with a really traumatic thing in my life. Um, it was very traumatic news. It affected me, it affected my whole family.

[00:06:55] And so now here I am, I'm not just writing about it. I'm I need an emotional detox. And so how this leads to what you were saying that it thinking and feeling are not the same. Once I went to therapy because, you know, I was, I was in crisis and I didn't have a therapist at the time. So I thought, okay, I gotta go to therapy.

[00:07:19] That's what I'm supposed to do right now. Right. But I, I really became like the worst patient client, whatever you wanna call me because I had all this information in my head about emotions. And I thought to myself, this. This isn't working for me. I can't do this. And so I went through maybe two, three therapists.

[00:07:39] Finally, I found one that worked, but even that one, it. Worked for about six months. And then I thought, I can't keep going with this because this is just rehashing everything. And I'm not, if I'm not able to go home after therapy and feel lighter, better freer, more productive, focused. I have an issue with that.

[00:08:05] So what ended up happening was I was in therapy. The therapist got distracted and needed to get up and attend to something. And in that moment it was silent and it was quiet and I heard a voice and it was loud and clear. And I said, okay, that's really interesting. So I left therapy and I was walking in my car and my husband was with me at the time.

[00:08:34] And I looked at him and I said, I'm not going back. And he said, what do you mean. And I said, you can go back, but I'm not going back. I'm this is it. And I would go home and I would sit in a chair and I'd talk to that, whatever that voice, wherever it came from. and I said, tell me more because I, I need help here.

[00:08:55] What's going on? And that's when I really started to realize. Um, that's when the cleanse channeled through those steps. And that's when I realized that talking is great. But, um, after you process your emotions, that's what I've learned. We've done the opposite. Jeffrey. We talk and then maybe go home and process.

[00:09:18] But the, the challenge is all that talking can bring up trigger. Yes. And then your 50 minutes is up and then you have to go home and figure out how to function. And I don't believe in that anymore. And, um, I believe in therapy, but I believe we need to flip it and I believe that we need to be processing first.

[00:09:41] And then have a conversation because the conversation will sound look and feel much different and you really ought to leave feeling empowered after a situation like that.

[00:09:54] Jeffrey Besecker: Yeah. I think that awareness is key there. You know, are we being aware of what we're feeling, how we align with that, coming to that understanding of where that then.

[00:10:04] You said triggers us to interact.

[00:10:07] Sherrianne Boyle: Yeah. I mean, we're, we all have a lot to juggle. Um, let's face it there's a lot of challenges here on earth that nobody gets out of that, for sure. Nobody gets a, a free ticket to, you know, we have, we have these things that we're moving through and so I find when you process your emotions, You really just, you gain something every time you never lose you gain, but again, it's not about talking.

[00:10:39] It's about learning to feel your emotions without the narratives. And. The cleanse helps me to do that. Other people might have other ways. Yeah. I'm not saying it's the only way. I've been teaching yoga for 19 years and meditating and all that, that wasn't doing it for me. I really needed a system that really helped me get clear on what was going on because a lot of emotions that are coming up.

[00:11:07] So when you feel something like anger, Intensely or resentment, those real intense emotions. It's because they were already there. So as much as we wanna blame the thing in front of us, like the coronavirus or, you know, our partner or our boss, All of this stuff was already there. It's just, it's all being brought out.

[00:11:33] It's all coming to the surface. And so it has a very long lineage and sometimes it crosses generational and our emotions when we feel them, however, convert to energy, which can cross those barriers talking can't. Talking just keeps you sort of on one level of healing. We gotta up the ante right now because stuff's coming up for people.

[00:12:03] and for all of us just to go around talking, well, you can see it's not working. People don't get things done. Look at our government. No, nobody gets anything done. , there's like a ton of 'em and they're all running into each other. They're all in chronic levels of reactivity. I don't care what you believe or what your party is.

[00:12:23] They're all just bumping into each other. Yeah. And, and so nothing changes. And so what I'm saying. We have to clear the reactions. And that is the, the blaming, the, the complaining, the talking about it, the venting, and you see it all over social media, people yelling at people and defensiveness, all of that is suppressing our emotions and your emotions is the really the thing that's gonna free you when we feel.

[00:12:55] Jeffrey Besecker: to me, the hardest connection often to make is I'm feeling this. And then that driver urge whether it's learned or just that reaction mm-hmm how do we bridge that? You know, again, I'm trying to reframe that language from sure.

[00:13:12] Bridge versus manage. Mm feeling, let it float, move through. Yeah. Comes to mind with me, you know, through my own experience with therapy and, you know, dealing with my own resolve with my emotions. Mm-hmm feeling recognize, let it float through resolve.

[00:13:33] Sherrianne Boyle: Yeah. So. So that is a little bit of the process that the, the way that the cleanse works is the sea, the sea, they, the steps build on each other.

[00:13:45] So the cleanse is an acronym for an emotional detox. And the first step, the sea is called clear reactivity, which is you basically, you wanna get grounded in your body, be it's like anything, Jeffrey. You don't wanna go having a conversation without kind of centering yourself. Yeah. Right. and so many, so many people do we, we send a text or an email and we're like, shit, I should, I could have redone that I could have said that better.

[00:14:12] You know, now we're in reactivity. Now we're in these dynamics, da, da, da. And so it's really, that C is about let's get centered. Let's get in our bodies, let's connect our brain and our gut, um, your gut. Communicating with your brain all the time. And your gut is telling your brain whether you're okay or not, whether you're safe, whether you're calm.

[00:14:37] So it's not just about, you know, talking comes from brain. Whereas in order to really get to that gut connection, we have to do more exercises that are mindful and centering, like breathing, like stretching, like yawning, any, anything like that is gonna help bring you. To your body. And again, we connect the brain and the gut and the heart.

[00:15:04] So it's like bringing every it's just like your car. Yes. When it gets out of alignment, you gotta bring it in alignment. So you can drive it properly. We have to do that as well. right.

[00:15:14] Jeffrey Besecker: And a lot of us are going through life. We sideways . Yeah, exactly. And it happens, you know, we gotta bump it back on course.

[00:15:23] Yeah. We don't wanna drive that thing into the ditch.

[00:15:28] Sherrianne Boyle: And the next thing is, you know, the L which is look inward and that's that space you're really asking about. And what you're saying is how do we acknowledge and then sort of let it flow. Well, you have to take what's happening. I always say, go as close to the moment as you can.

[00:15:44] Don't go for the big head honcho, meaning. Trauma from life. Yeah. You know, go for, go with the little things, like, you know, gee, when, so, and so said that that made me feel and just breathe into that and allow those emotions to come up and don't try to make them ma even if they're ridiculous, you're like, oh, I felt, you know, angry and resentful and, and it, and it doesn't match the situation.

[00:16:12] And you're like, why am I feeling so angry and resentful? I know that that. It doesn't matter. Just let it come up. Don't analyze it. Don't judge it. If that's what pops up in your mind, let it be because that's, what's looking to be acknowledged, validated, and released, and then look at okay. If I'm feeling angry, you know, how am I managing that?

[00:16:35] What am I doing to, to, what am I doing? Am I talking to myself a lot? If I am I telling myself not. Be angry. Am I gossiping? Am I eating food? Am I spending time on my phone? What am I doing to avoid that feeling of anger? I know mentally it's there, but how am I keeping myself from actually allowing it to exist in my body?

[00:17:01] And then that's when you go. The next step of the cleanse, which is emit, which is, um, that's when we bring vibration into the body. So the vibration that comes in now helps to give you is just like any other kind. It's like giving you a push on the swing, you know, or a little push on your bike. And now you can glide a little bit.

[00:17:25] So we're just letting that glide through you, but we really need that awareness. First of how you're preventing and coping and managing. And after that, it's about. Okay, I'm swinging. I can feel it, but what am I focusing on? Because if we don't go to the a, which is activate, which means activate joy. If I don't start to kind of reshift my awareness, um, what I wanna focus on.

[00:17:52] So I'm, if I, if I'm not angry, I'm focusing on peace, images of peace. Necessarily words, images, the body response to imagery really well, the subconscious mind response to imagery, the higher conscious mind's response to imagery. So now I'm connecting to higher aspects of myself. I'm having a dialogue that is not on a.

[00:18:17] Physical level. I'm really getting very clear with the universe of what I'm, what I'm focusing on now. That's the a and then the N is nourish and that's some tools for how to really strengthen this. And then it moves into the S which is surrender. And that's your free will statement, which I have in the book there.

[00:18:36] And, um, and it's your free will, you know, it's like walking you to a point and then. And then the door is open and now you have to walk through the door. I can't walk you any further. I have to let go of your hand and you have to choose to step through and say, I choose this new state of being, I choose this because your free will is everything.

[00:19:02] Nobody can make you feel a feeling. So you walk over. Threshold. And then you land into the E, which is ease of the cleanse. And that is the I am space, which is like really like coming home, coming home to yourself, coming home to wholeness, coming home to, you know, the source of who you are. And that is love.

[00:19:23] Really. I believe that there's only one emotion and that's love everything else is a reaction.

[00:19:29] Jeffrey Besecker: Hmm. speaking to that point, that brings me back to an insight I had this morning, our emotions. Color life experiences and give those experiences, meaning and flavor. Sometimes those experiences leave a bad taste in our mouth.

[00:19:45] Sometimes those experiences, as we project them out, especially leave a bad flavor in someone else's mouth by our reaction. Mm-hmm . If there are times when those emotions run afoul, as you mentioned, they get the best of us.

[00:19:59] Well, I am so glad we got to share this conversation today.

[00:20:03] You know, I'm, I'm feeling some very positive, very enlightened and very. Feel good emotions today. Happy, happy, happy, happy. We're happy. Happy. We're so, well, I am so happy. We got to talk. Thank you so much. I also feel very grateful. . Aw, thank

[00:20:21] Sherrianne Boyle: you, Jeffrey. Thanks for inviting. I'd love

[00:20:23] Jeffrey Besecker: to do this again.

Sherianna Boyle Profile Photo

Sherianna Boyle

Author / Coach

Hi, I am Sherianna, author of ten traditionally published books, founder of Emotional Detox Coaching® and creator of the Cleanse Method.® I am also an adjunct Psychology Professor, former School Psychologist and I have been teaching yoga and meditation since 2002.

My new book Energy in Action releases in 2023 with Sounds True Publishing, offers spiritual tools and insights in relation to the spiritual laws of the universe, manifesting and more.

These insights came about from the development of Emotional Detox and the Cleanse Method. I have taught this method for Cleansing to thousands of individuals of all ages, backgrounds and abilities. My clients include entrepreneurs, personal coaches, psychologists, couples & teens. I am also a speaker at 1440 Multiversity, Kripalu Health & Yoga Center and PESI® Behavioral Health, Plenty of Fish Dating App.

My book, The Four Gifts of Anxiety which was endorsed by The National Association for Mental Health. Choosing Love was rated as top 10 must reads by Metro US. I been featured in over ninety media articles, and my weekly Just Ask Spirit Radio Podcast reaches thousands of listeners across the globe each week.

I am also a Certified Professional Life Coach, CPC, Reiki Certified, with extensive professional development in mindfulness, Quantum Healing, Energy Medicine, Emotion Code and more. I am the mother of daughters and married to my hometown hubby. When I am not writing I am probably grocery shopping, recording Cleanse Yoga®, or leading the Energy in Action community.